Our Adoption Process - Pt 1

We are getting closer in the adoption process to being "live". We have gotten a call from the person doing our home-study and the home-studies are done. They will be notarized in the next day or two and she will be sending them out on Friday. This means that the adoption agency will have them by Monday. What happens then? We go "live". "Live" mean that we could have a baby at any time.

Let me back up here for a minute and explain what we have done up to this point. When we were living in the wonderful land of hatred (otherwise known as Florida) we started looking into adoption agencies. While doing this, we found that Florida is the only state that has it in their laws: "if you are now or every have been a homosexual" you are not allowed to adopt. You can foster the kids, but if you get too attached and want to give the child a home for life, you are not allowed. How do they differentiate? Only the mind of the government can tell you.

We found an agency her in Vermont (although we were in Fl) and contacted them to see what the process was. They told us that they have to follow the laws of the state in which you reside. So for us at that time we were not allowed to have children because we are evil and dirty according to the state. In a short period of time, Mark happened to get a job in Vermont and after we got settled (or as settled as we could) we contacted the adoption agency to see what had to happen now.

The next step in the process was the "Get Acquainted Weekend" where we spent over $1000 to get a better understanding of the process of adoption. There were about 10-12 couples there. Four of them were gay (including Mark and I) and living in various states (N.Y, Connecticut). Along with breakfast, lunch, and dinner, there was a meeting that included all couples and the staff of the agency. After the meeting we watched a little movie. The movie was about interracial adoption and how to handle it. Mark and I found it very offensive. It more or less told us that we had to be sure we gave our child the understanding that since she/he may be of color that she/he will not have the same benefits as others. We needed to be sure that she/he understands their "culture" and what it meant. The way I took it was that if we got an interracial child, we needed to "dumb" them down to fit into society. I was amazed that they even showed it. Talking with some counselors, they felt the same. This was the first time it was shown to possible adopters and I hope the last.

With that said, we continued with the weekend. The next event was an adoptive family and their child as well as young lady who put the baby up for adoption. They told us the stress and struggles of the process. The holding of your breath every time the phone rings (will explain that later). This was very insightful, but also concerning. There is a chance that the mother of the child will want them and we are left in the cold. Although this didn't happen to this family, it was told to us that it is a possibility. Back to my story. The women who gave up her child was still in high school at the time. She got pregnant when her life seemed to be falling apart. Her grandmother had just passed away and things didn't seem to be going her way. It was very "After School Special" in that she hid the pregnancy from her parents until she was in labor in the hospital. Both families are doing well and the baby was so cute. That was the point that decided the rest of our lives. We knew then, but still needed to talk things over.

After this, we had to meet with a counselor individually (couple wise) to talk about any concerns we had. We actually meet with the Executive Director and founder of the agency. While talking with her, she put all our worries and concerns to rest. We then had to decide (Mark and I) if we wanted to proceed with the process and give them a deposit of $6000 to get the baby ball rolling. Mark and I talked that afternoon about our concerns and excitement, but we knew what we wanted to do. We told the agency that we wanted to meet with them the next day to start the process. Although the total agency fee is $12,000, we wrote them a check for the $6000 with the remaining to be paid in 6 months. Remember, this is just the agency fee. With everything we have to do, it could range from $18,000-25,000 when it is all said and done.

Part 2 will be tomorrow.